There have been a handful of situations in the recent past where today’s topic/theme has presented itself to me, and each time, it hit home. None of these situations were really related in any way. In fact, they were completely random: A women’s conference, fitness classes, deep conversation with clients and friends, hearing a friend/colleague speak at at photography conference, random Facebook posts….. It was as if the universe was trying to tell/yell something at me, and now I see it everywhere.

Have you ever:

• played down a compliment given to you

• made yourself smaller to make other people feel more comfortable (physically or emotionally)

• diminished your hard-earned accomplishments, attributing it to luck or giving the credit to someone else

• played the part of the wallflower because you felt you were not deserving of the attention, because there could not possibly be something interesting about you

• refuse to be photographed or part of family photographs because you are (insert self-loathing excuse here)

• or, in general, refuse to place yourself in a position of receiving attention because you feel it is vanity or boastful

   

  Well??? Anything sound familiar? I am sure I can add to this list, but these are the ones coming to mind at the moment.

Hopefully….none of these apply to you. BUT, if they do….let’s explore this together for a moment.

I am guilty of all of these things.

In my efforts to stay humble (because overblown egos are a ginormous pet peeve of mine, and the fact that I am one thousand percent aware of my shortcomings), I tend to set the humility barometer to the complete other end of the spectrum…

…diminishing compliments given to me about:

• My work: “OH, I love your work! you are really talented!” (Yeah, I am confident in my work but you should see the people I look up to!!…..diminishing my given talents and hard work)

• My appearance (What? This old thing? I got it on clearance! Nothing special…even though I loved it enough to buy it) or “I love that photo of you! So pretty!” (OMG did you not SEE all my WRINKLES?!?!)

• My awards …they are, after all, just “things” (even though they represent YEARS of hard work at improving my chosen craft)

…playing down my:

• physical strength

• opinions

• intelligence

• worthiness of anything great

yeah…..that last thing……

WORTHINESS

When I was hearing my gal pal Mitzi speak at a conference in Joplin, she was touching on this VERY thing. One thing stuck in particular. She mentioned she was working with a client and in the efforts of coaxing her out of her shell, she blurted out,

“Don’t be afraid to take up space!!!”.

Wow.

It stopped her in her tracks and to this day, I find myself hearing this in my head. DAILY.

Why are we, as women, so afraid to Take our Space? Why do we tend to feel as though someone else deserves it any more than we do?

Has it been drilled into our heads since childhood to be seen and not heard? To be the ones responsible for making sure everyone else is comfortable, even if it means turning away and rejecting our own sense of worthiness and accomplishment?

Maybe, but…what if?

What if we just learned to say “THANK YOU” ?

Think about it.

Someone gives you a sincere compliment, for example: “You look so great!”

And you say, “Not really. II just gained, like, ten pounds!. or I’m soooo wrinkly. or Have you SEEN the suitcases under my eyes?!?’

Have you ever thought about what does that do to the person giving the compliment? Unless you are fishing for more, you are basically telling that person. “I don’t believe you’.

You are rejecting a gift. OUCH.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting a compliment with a simple smile and a “Thank You.”, and acknowledging that you are,

• worthy of admiration

• worthy of effort

• worthy of accolades

• worthy of consideration

• worthy of having a voice

• worthy of LOVE of SELF

Getting back to simply saying, ‘Thank You.” ….

This is a very small and attainable goal in learning to take up your space. You are just as worthy as the next person to be physically present (stop apologizing to people at the store…(OPE! Sorry!), just for simply being in the same space), to have a big personality, to have opposing points of view, to have accomplishments and be proud of them, to be quirky, to be…unapologetically….YOU.

I have this rule at my studio when photographing people..and that is I won’t accept negative self talk. I usually mention this after the first insecurity surfaces. I say it sort of jokingly, but mean every word. The world doesn’t see what you see. What you focus on….GROWS. Let the people you encounter bask in the unique beauty that is YOU, and let them experience what unique gifts you have to offer the world. In a way, this is also a gift to yourself, as it will allow you to flourish.

Start taking up your space. Encourage others to do the same. Let’s teach our daughters, mothers, coworkers, and friends that they are OK as they are, despite what the world is trying to teach them.